I Need Your Advice

I'm having a bit of a family issue. I don't normally air out my private life but I'd like to see what you guys have to say on the subject. To be honest, I'm terrified that I'm sharing this with you guys. I'm not looking for pity, I'm just trying to set the tone so you can give me the best advice.

My mother and I haven't spoken in 2 years. She took my son without my permission to her home in Dallas 2 years in a row for Father's Day weekend. Naturally this caused a big fight that lead to us not speaking, but that's just the tip of the iceberg.

My brother and I were the poor kids growing up. No biggie. We didn't mind. It kinda sucked at school with all the rich kids making fun of us constantly but that's life. You deal with it and move on. We all lived with my grandmother because my mother didn't want to work and she slept until 3 in the afternoon pretty much every day. We were broke all the time because my mom made my grandma be the only source of income. Grandma was a hard working woman but she was also supporting all of us on the wages of a convenience store manager. My brother and I walked to school without breakfast on freezing days. I get that a lot of kids had to do that, but it wasn't because my mom was too busy. That's the part that still gets me. She laid in her warm bed while we got ready for school and not once offered to take us. Not once made us breakfast before school. She had a very short temper and never had time for us despite the fact that she didn't work.

That's not the bad part though. Growing up like that, I always had this void. I always felt like it was my fault that my mother had no interest in me, so I studied TV shows, movies, and musicians. I wanted to make myself more entertaining. If I could make her laugh that meant a few moments of her attention. If I could play guitar well, maybe she would stop and listen. Maybe if I got good enough she would want to stay home with my brother and me some nights instead of bringing home men my brother (who had never met his father) would instantly get attached to.

Eventually I got good at being entertaining and it lead to a career. For the first time in my life, that void was filled. Then, Father's Day weekend 2 years ago rolled around and I called my son's mother to get him for the weekend. That's when she informed me that he was in Dallas with my mother for the second year in a row. The first year I called her bawling over it and here she did it to me again. I had to call the police to get them to bring him back. This lead to an argument on social media in which my mother tagged my boss and ran me through the dirt as hard as she could in hopes of making me look so bad that it got me fired. After the childhood she gave us, she was actively trying to destroy everything I worked so hard for in my adult life too.

It's safe to say I'm still bitter about it. I don't know how to get over it. I know I'm wrong for holding onto it but she hasn't changed at all. She texts me from time to time but I don't answer back...until today. I completely unloaded all of this on her. I feel bad and I want my mom in my life but every time she tries to throw a pity party for herself I get angry and hurt all over again.

What would you guys do?