OH SNAP THEY SPITTIN DAT TROOF!! I hate flies with a purple passion. Those disgusting annoying little spawn of Satan. I was once completely out smarted by a fly and the end result was me on the ground wincing in pain and cursing like a sailor. After that day I swore that I would decimate all of that fly’s children from the earth. Unfortunately they all look the same to me so I have to kill them all to be sure I make good in that promise. I know that sounds extreme but hear me out.

 

 

 

I was attempting to take a nap on my couch not harming a soul in the world when this evil fly decided to keep buzzing near my ear to wake me up right about the time I was dozing off. If you’ve ever been woken up right at that point then you know how sensitive your hearing is as you drift off to sleep. It’s like your body develops superpowers right before you slumber and you can hear in sonar. This made it especially terrifying when that damn fly would swoop in. It basically sounded like I was about to be eaten by a pterodactyl (I have no idea if I spelled TER-O-DAK-TOL right or not. It wasn’t flagged by spell check but I know I have no idea how to spell that word so I think spell check is just trying to make a fool of me again.)

 

 

 

ANYWAY. . . so the fly does this about 10x and I start getting cranky which leads to me swatting at it angrily with my eyes closed every time I sense that its close. Each time it comes back unharmed I get even more frustrated because I’m convinced it’s intentionally flying as close to my ear as possible and laughing the entire time. This went on for about 45 minutes. It’s little devil fly laughter still haunts me to this day. Finally, it goes in for the kill by landing directly on my crotch. As angry and frustrated as I was, I didn’t think about the repercussions of my actions before swinging with all my might and hitting myself the hardest I’ve ever been hit directly in the family jewels. Had my eyes bugged out anymore that day I’m pretty sure they would have fallen out of my head.

 

 

 

I never did get a nap that day. Instead I ended up going to the store and buying like 30 bug bombs to kill that little bastard fly. The worst part about this story is when I got back from the store with the bag full of bug bombs, I opened the door and I swear to the mighty Odin, I watched that little dastardly demon casually glide out of my house and off into the sunset flipping me the middle finger as it disappeared over the horizon.

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