I'll be the first to admit that I'm kind of a food snob. Not the kind who won't eat cheap food, or fast food. The kind that when I pay $20 for one plate of something, I expect it to be cooked the way I ask, or at very least close to the way I ask. Nothing will irritate me more than if I order a steak and it's cooked way off from how I ordered it. Cooking a steak is an exact science but on a consistent cooking surface like at a restaurant, it's literally nothing more than setting a timer and cooking it on each side as long as the directions say. I understand it won't always be exact but it should be close 130% of the time.

These scrumptious little cuts are 2" thick Kobe ribeyes. If you over cook these, you may as well go get a prescription for and anti-depressant and see a therapist because you might just cry. Real Kobe beef isn't cheap and if you overcook it, you kill the flavor.

This is an almost perfectly cooked mid rare steak. It may even drift a little bit to the rare side but that's ok. Here's how you cook it.

1. drizzle a bit of olive oil on each side

2. Throw a generous amount of fresh ground salt and pepper on it.

3. If your hand reaches for anything else, smash it with a hammer and tell it no.

4. Make sure your COALS (not propane) are all white.

5. Throw them delicious sum beeeeotches on the grill. (have a timer ready)

6. cook on each side for 30 seconds to create a nice sear.

7. flip and cook on each side for 4 minutes (until they're 135 degrees in the middle)

8. take them off that damn grill STAT

9. get them inside and slather them in butter on each side.

10. Let them sit for 5 minutes minimum.

11. Try not to choke while you're shoveling the best steak you've ever had down your throat.

12. If you see anyone reaching for any sauce of any kind, bury them in a field and never speak of them again.